Wedding

Rewrite the Rules

Must the dress be absolutely white? Must she not see her husband-to-be before the wedding ceremony? Must the ceremony be held in a church? Who wrote the rules?

This is your day... supposedly the happiest day in your life. Funnily enough, ask any bride how her wedding day was and she'll almost always grit her teeth and mumble something about too many cooks spoiling HER soup. So, why does it not always turn out the way you've wanted it to be?

Just two little words - MOTHERS and MOTHER-IN-LAWS. Yes, yes, we've all heard the horror stories of interfering mothers and mother-in-laws, which ultimately results in couples threatening to elope just to elude the stress of not just managing the wedding, but managing the whims, fancies and wants of their mothers.

Why does this ultimately happen? Well, I can think of two reasons but if you think of anything else, do tell. I think mothers meddle in their children's weddings because (1) they want to plan the wedding that they have always dreamt of for themselves and of course you know why they didn't have their ideal wedding - because THEIR mothers and mother-in-laws interfered and (2) they want to show the whole world how their daughters' or sons' wedding was so much better than their friends.

Yes, weddings are steeped in beautiful traditions and symbolism that lend a lot of meaning to the ceremony. But this is your day and if it means you want to don your favourite colour purple and play the Spice Girl's "Two Become One", then go on and do it - it is after all your day. But how are you going to let your mother know that this is your day and not hers.

I can only think of two ways.

Sit her down and have a really deep and meaningful dialogue with her telling her that yes, you appreciate everything that she's ever done for you but you want to look back at your wedding photos with fond memories and know that you had the wedding that you've always dreamt of since you were a small child. Tell her to think back to her wedding and ask her if it was done the way she wanted it to be? Was she happy with it? Didn't she want to murder her mother at that time for making her wear that awful high collared long-sleeved white dress with the big pink rose at the bosom? If your mother then starts to reminisce with tears of sadness, seize the moment and tell her in no uncertain terms that it seems history is repeating itself. If she seems to be faltering a bit, throw in a bargain and tell her that she can have full rein in planning entirely her first grandchild's birthday party but just leave the wedding planning alone (see, this way you can use her as an unsuspecting babysitter by telling her that she needs to spend time with the baby to find out what it wants for its birthday - more free time for yourself).

If this fails, then omit telling her that you are getting married and plan your whole shindig the way you want it to be, complete with bikini and briefs only poolside party and pink leopard skin boots. Then give her an invitation and sit back, enjoy and watch the fireworks.

Author preferred to remain anonymous.